Last week I wrote about the positive elements I’ve experienced on my journey to becoming self-employed so far. Now time to talk about the not so good, although I can honestly say I don’t have any real complaints!
I’m not earning a living (yet!) Doing what I love is fantastic and I’m so much happier than I’ve ever been. I am yet to miss not earning money because you just can’t put a price on feeling fulfilled and happy. But I appreciate I can’t keep on doing this indefinitely without it starting to become a financial strain. With only 3 weeks in, I knew I wouldn’t be earning yet, so I am in no way disillusioned. These things take time and commitment. I can’t say however that I sometimes don’t feel a bit anxious about the ability to monetise on my passion without compromising it’s sincerity. But I have great faith in that resolving itself when the time is right.
I’m lonely. I used to wake up every day depressed about going to work. This was always made better when seeing my friends and colleagues in the office. I don’t wake up depressed anymore but I also don’t have anyone to talk to if I am feeling a bit out of sorts. Although I do speak to other bloggers, it isn’t quite the same as coffee with a colleague or a heart-to-heart with a friend. There’s a bond between colleagues through the shared working experience, and I don’t have that anymore. I feel a little like I miss out. Days can go by and I don’t see anyone other than my fiancé and as lovely as he is, I miss the variety in topics of conversation.
I never clock-off. I always knew this would be the case. That once I made the decision to become independent, I would never again have a proper holiday. I can’t go one weekend without ‘working’ because I panic about becoming stagnant. I am someone who has to be moving forward all the time and because I am now 100% responsible for all the outcomes of what I do, I can’t afford not to be as continuous in my efforts as I want to see in my results. One is directly affected by the other.
I also can’t switch myself off. This is something I’ve mentioned before. What I am doing is just being me! Talking about my feelings, my experiences, my hopes and my dreams. You can’t switch that off. I don’t spend a single evening not writing down notes for article ideas, or speaking to people about what it is I’m trying to do. Night times in bed (usually a tech-free area in our house), I’m sneaking looks on my phone. When I meet someone for coffee, I suddenly whip out my notepad and a pen because something they’ve said has given me an idea for a post. It’s kind of annoying!
On my honeymoon in July I’m going to have to do some serious article scheduling! (or sneak a laptop in my bag).
I’m becoming obsessed with stats. This is probably the only real negative experience so far. Every morning I wake up and look through emails, look for notifications, how many likes/comments on my articles have I garnered etc. It can affect my mood no matter how much I know that it shouldn’t. This is one thing that I would really love to stop doing but have no idea how, so to those with more experience with this, please do let me know how you manage to not get super excited every time you see an email pop through or the orange little dot appear in the top right!
All in all, I never believed that I could be this happy. So far my journey has been rewarding, fulfilling, enriching and full of passion.
So, I will never be able to have a proper holiday again – I’m just being me so that isn’t really a problem. What I do doesn’t feel like work anyway. So I don’t get to gossip. Gossip really isn’t all that conducive to our happiness anyway.
Yes there a bad points, like there is with everything we do. But like with everything, if the good outweighs the bad, then it is worthwhile persisting with. And I intend on doing just that.
Are there any negatives you have experienced not in the list above? Please do let me know 🙂