Self-Harm And Destructive Thought Patterns

I have a terrible habit of feeling overwhelmed.

I would go as far as saying I struggle with these feelings on a daily basis, although very mildly in comparison to the effect it used to have on me. When I look at experts within my field, those I look up to, I can’t help that inner panic rise like bile, as I wonder ‘How on Earth can I achieve even a fraction of what they have? It’s too hard! I’m not good enough!’ I deal with these intrusive thoughts through many different ways including meditation and my writing. I can also hand on heart say that if it wasn’t for the encouragement from those around me, if it wasn’t for the sheer blind belief and faith that people have in me, I may well not be here telling my story.

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How To Get Rid Of Intrusive or Obsessive Thoughts

So I was going to write a post today about feeling over-sensitive and feeling a bit anxious. Then I did some meditation and realised that by writing about these feelings,  I’m giving them power. So instead I am going to write about how you can start to conquer these intrusive or obsessive thoughts.

Intrusive thoughts feel like being sucked into a black-hole of despair and getting out of it can seem impossible. Going round and round with fears and anxieties, to the point you feel something has to give, be it an outburst of anger, physical release or an implosion, can have devastating effects. It’s how I ended up self-harming.
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The 3 Minute Memoirs – Stag Do Anxiety

I have not dealt with the Stag Do as well as I would have liked 😦 Old insecurities and memories from past relationships resurfaced and showed a not so pretty side to my anxiety.

The shame of feeling ugly. The shame of feeling angry about nothing. The shame over getting upset about images filling my head of what might happen. Anxiety sufferers will understand that these are feelings we fight daily. Sometimes something can trigger these emotions so aggressively, they catch us off guard and we feel like we have taken a huge step back in our progress in functioning like a normal human being.

How To Take Back Control Of Your Emotions – Part 2

Trigger alert: I understand in times of distress articles like this can be a trigger so please be aware that I wrote this while my anxious mind was quiet, which allowed me to see things clearly – a brief window of opportunity! It should in no way make anyone feel overwhelmed. Achieving a healthier mind is a long process – allow yourself the time. Just know that I get it, I’ve been there, and it can be different 🙂

Earlier on I wrote a post about the anxious and depressed feelings that had taken control of me. I have so much to say on this topic (I got to 1500 words and decided not even I wanted to read all that!) so I have had to simplify each section. I will no doubt go into more detail in later posts, but please feel free to email me if you would like to ask me anything privately at daniallsopp@gmail.com.

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How To Take Back Control Of Your Emotions – Part 1

Our perceptions and beliefs can influence how we experience things. However our experiences also shape those perceptions. It’s a kind of ‘chicken and egg’ conundrum. Which came first, and do we have any control over how we feel about the things that happen to us?

I’ve been feeling pretty down over the past month. My life hasn’t changed since then. The weather isn’t better, I haven’t had some breakthrough or massive success, and I still have an amazing fiancé, family and friends. Nothing bad happened to make me sad, just like nothing has happened in the past week to make me feel how I’ve been feeling over the past few days…like one of the luckiest people in the world!

But I know which one is the truth. One ‘state’ was my anxious mind taking control of me, whilst now I have taken that power back.

Doesn’t this prove just how fragile our ‘reality’ really is? If you feel lucky, you are lucky. If you feel depressed, you are depressed. If how we feel is influencing how we experience our lives and therefore our reality, can we change it?

Our state of mind is incredibly powerful, and yet we often give that power to influences outside of ourselves. We say we want someone to make us happy. We blame others when we’re not. We absolve ourselves from responsibility and say things like ‘well if I had what she had I’d be happy too’. Or ‘if that hadn’t happened to me I’d be more successful’. But that’s completely untrue. Feeling resentful will only make you resentful and you will remain resentful no matter how much you achieve. The key to being happy is in your hands, not someone else’s. If you don’t like what you see or how you feel, only you can change it.

To take back the control, you have to stop blaming other people/things/situations for your discontent.

But how? It isn’t easy. It took me nearly 5 years to change the way my emotions controlled my life. I decided I no longer wanted to be a victim of my experiences, of my own mind. To see how I am winning the fight, please see part 2 later on.

Dani xx

Never Be A Victim Of Your Circumstances!

For a long time I did not love myself. And it affected EVERY aspect of my life.

It affected the successes (and mostly failures) of all my relationships – romantic and other – it destroyed my confidence and pretty much made me cower back from life. I simply existed; like a ghost not being part of the living.

When you live in fear of everything you do and the consequences of your existence, you do not truly live.

Every chance of happiness, I destroyed for being undeserving.

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Anxiety Over Finding Your Soul Purpose?

I constantly stress over finding my soul purpose. I’m anxious over whether I’m doing the right thing, in which direction to turn next… I know there are many of us who feel this way.

Today I picked up my angel cards for the first time in a long time. As some of you know, I am in the midst of my spiritual awakening, and so I asked the Angels for help. 

I randomly picked Raguel: The guardian angel if spiritual perception, and thought I’d share with you his message as it could not be more poignant.   

 “You don’t need to find your soul purpose, for it will find you.”

Have a great day everyone xx

The 3 Minute Memoirs – The Anxious Shopper

So as you will know from yesterday’s video, I went shopping. An enjoyable hobby for many, but ultimately something I try to avoid (as with anything that involves crowds of people).

Find out how I did in today’s memoir.

Do You Give Yourself Time To Recover Emotionally?

I’ve been a bit MIA lately. If you’ve been watching my 3 Minute Memoirs, you’ll have a bit of an idea of why; family visiting, wedding stress, colonoscopy… There’s a lot on! But there’s more to it than that.

When there is so much going on in my head emotionally and I’m stressing out over everything (common with anxiety sufferers of course), I become disconnected with myself. This in turn makes me become distant with those around me. Friends have commented on the lack of communication and I notice the difficulty in talking about anything deep and meaningful to those closest to me. So unlike me!

Of course it’s hard to explain why I haven’t been around when I continue to do videos and write articles. I’ve done this to ensure that what I’m building doesn’t fall completely flat on its arse. I have done what is necessary with no real strategy behind it, and nowhere near the amount of work I was putting behind it before.

The truth is that I’ve been on autopilot. The videos have been easy as they’ve just been about the events in my life. The articles were ones scheduled from previous months. The ups and downs documented have been real, but upon pouring my heart out to my computer screen, I have regressed back to a catatonic state almost immediately afterwards. Like everything is bubbling away under the surface, but it’s too intense for my mind to deal with right now so it shuts those emotions away again until I’m strong enough to process them.

I have shut down.

But why does this happen? My problem is I always think I’ll cope. I take it to the nth degree. I pile it on, the business, the wedding, the writing, the course, the travelling, finding out why I’m getting chronic pains in my abdomen. I look at these things and don’t think about the emotional toll they may take, I just see the tasks involved in completing them.

Nor do I consider the things I can’t control or haven’t planned for. The things that when placed upon an already huge, looming and unstable stack of pressures, make the whole thing come crashing down.

And that’s what happened last month.

I’m fine! (insert high-pitched voice of Ross from Friends here) I’m not depressed or feel particular emotional. But that’s almost worst. I know myself well enough to know that when I’m not feeling, something is wrong. Survival mode. Autopilot. Coping-mechanism. Call it what you will, but the ultimate state of mind is that of a disconnection to myself, to my family and to my friends.

In my latest video, which I will load later today, I talk a little more about this and how I feel like I’m starting to come out the other side again.

But I find myself asking why it is we don’t allow ourselves to heal emotionally in the same way we do physically. A physical injury requires extensive time off to let the body work its magic and regenerate. Isn’t it time we allowed out emotional state to do the same?

I want to thank you all, people in my physical life and those in my virtual one, for continuing to show me support. Simply watching, reading, being in touch. It has all meant the world to me, even if I’ve not been able to express it. 

Don’t Let The Anxiety Win

As a sufferer of anxiety, one of the biggest things that plagues my mind is whether or not I am in the right place at the right time, making the right decisions. As I have previously written, my fears stem from things I can, rather than cannot control. In my mind, those things I have no control over, I can’t change anyway.

It’s the things that I have the power to change that really worry me; because it makes me responsible for how my life turns out.

This was very clearly demonstrated to me during my travels and by my fear of heights. When on a plane, it doesn’t bother me in the slightest that I am thousands of feet up in the air. I can look down at ant like cars and Lego houses quite easily without a second thought. However, whilst rock climbing in Vietnam, I literally became paralysed with the fear over having the power to throw myself off the side of the mountain at any given moment. If I was going to die, it was because of something I did, it would be my fault, and that kind of responsibility was just too much to bear.

This fear, albeit less intense than when rock climbing, follows me around every corner of my life, where anything less than perfection can make me feel like a failure.

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