I wrote yesterday about how my relationship with an ex taught me how different types of betrayal can have lasting and damaging effects. I used to think cheating was black and white. It isn’t. I learned that it is not just the act of cheating, but the intent behind it, and also how it is handled afterwards that can go on hurting us long after any thoughts of love for a person have evaporated. Here’s the second part of my story, showing how the betrayal ran so much deeper than the physical act of sleeping with another woman.
After about a year together, Stuart* and I had been arguing worst than normal. I couldn’t exactly put my finger on what was wrong, but something was different. He seemed disconnected. It was enough to urge me to investigate and late one night (after yet another argument), my heart wrenching at the disloyalty of what I was doing, I opened his laptop and started to read his MSN conversation history. After reading a couple, I started to feel like more and more uncomfortable with betraying his trust in this way. There was nothing there! A few nasty messages about me to his friends about me not giving him enough sex, but I was used to that and there was nothing as dramatic as I had feared.
And then, there it was. The conversation I had unknowingly, but instinctively been looking for.
2 Days Before My 22nd – The Day After I Found Out
There are many types of betrayal. Ones worse than being cheated on. I know this because having been cheated on, it was in the way it was done and the events leading up to it, that truly haunt me to this day.
In my 3 Minute Memoir yesterday regarding my fiancés stag do, you saw how some old and very difficult emotions resurfaced over the weekend. It reminded me of a dark time with an ex. Even though this particular relationship only lasted a year, it left a wound so deep it is sometimes ripped open by some of the memories I share with you now.
Stuart* was different to other guys I’d met. Not instantly attracted to him physically, I was more intrigued by the fact he’d set up his own business at 17 and was at 23 running it successfully. Having come out of my traumatic relationship with Lee* – my first love – Stuart seemed like the exact opposite; had never touched a drug and was driven. After a few dates we embarked on the relationship that I hoped would heal my broken heart. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Today in 5 months I marry my best friend and soul mate to become Mrs J! I am so excited and happy. I still can’t believe my luck that I have found my perfect match, a piece of the puzzle of my life that fits perfectly, joining our two pictures together.
I have had my share of unsuccessful relationships. Always intense, always serious and ultimately when they ended it was messy, painful and life changing. But I don’t believe that people are bad. I just believe in bad fits, and in weaknesses that don’t match strengths. I’ve been cheated on, treated like I wasn’t a priority and had my heart-broken. Am I bitter? Absolutely not!
None of the men I was with before were right for me, just as I wasn’t right for them.