Why is it that you feel the need for a holiday, to get over a holiday?
I am the very definition of a binger. I am not someone who does ‘everything in moderation’. I’m an all or nothing kind of gal – for example, I can’t diet. I either eat completely clean or I eat everything sweet and fatty I can get my hands on, even if I don’t particularly like the taste of it!
This is what I do on holiday. I do everything in excess because I know when I get home, with having a wedding to prepare and pay for and me having no income, there will be no little luxuries. So the past 5 days in Bristol have been spent eating and drinking to the point I feel the inside of my body’s health declining! You know that feeling of being dirty? You look at your body and rationally you know it can’t have changed that much in 5 days but somehow you look fatter and uglier than ever before?
I don’t suffer from bulimia anymore, but that feeling of being dirty was something I remember well. Throwing up was all I could do to stop me feeling like that. I don’t hate my body or myself to that extent anymore but I can’t look at myself in the mirror at the moment and will be adhering to strict detox until I can face myself again!
I guess it is important not to get hung up on those things too much. I spent the 5 days laughing uncontrollably and reminiscing about old times. Letting go for a few snippets of time where I wasn’t harassed by intrusive thoughts of failure and uncertainty was well and truly a break from reality and I relished it, bloated belly and all!
I’m home now, and holiday blues have set in. The mountain of work has piled up, there’s housework to do and my holiday from the anxiety is over too. But that’s ok. You need the rain to experience the rainbow. If all my days were beautiful and fulfilling, I wouldn’t appreciate them as much.
I suppose the trick when experiencing days where joy isn’t so ‘in your face’ is to look deeper for your blessings in the every day. My health, my fiancé, my opportunities. As hard as it is, there is always something you are blessed with and can appreciate. What are you grateful for today?