So far, as part of the Alcoholism and Drug Abuse piece, I have written about my experience with alcoholism, alcohol and cannabis. In this 4th and final part of this section, I take a look at some of the darkest times in my life. Put in black and white, it is staggering to see how easy it is to go down a road you never imagined you would go down. Maybe my naivety and unpreparedness for things like this out in the world, led me to be blindsided and less averse to being influenced so easily. Maybe I was just lost and unhappy. One thing I do know. This is the hardest article I’ve ever had to write.
Drug Abuse – ECSTASY And Other Drugs
In part 3 I told you about Lee*, the tall, dark, handsome, older guy I never thought would take an interest in an awkward 19-year-old loser. But he did, and in the summer of 2005, a year after we met, we started seeing each other. It was a short but incredibly intense 3 months long relationship. He moved me into his annex and spoke of engagement rings and our future. We had the kind of love affair you associate with Hollywood movies; big breakups, dramatic makeups. I was hooked on the sheer adrenaline and devastation that only young infatuation can bring. No one told me it could feel like this, so all-consuming. But his problem with cannabis was only the tip of the iceberg.
When he ended it, I thought someone had reached into my body and ripped out my heart. I didn’t know how I was going to carry on living! It was the first and only time my heart has been truly broken. The pain was so intense, I fantasised about jumping in front of cars. Not because I wanted to die, but because I just wanted to make it stop. Nothing mattered anymore.
I didn’t know that at some point, I would get over it.
I have written about my experience with alcoholism and alcohol in general, so now on to the 3rd part of my experience on this topic:
Drug Abuse – Cannabis
Being seriously anti-alcohol until l was 18, drugs of any kind weren’t even on my radar. Drugs were for homeless degenerates right? There would never be a time in my life in which I would come into contact with them. Or so I thought.
I wrote earlier this week about my experience with alcoholism and how at the hands of an alcoholic my little sister and I watched our mother at the mercy of his violence. My view of alcohol was, understandably, very negative and when my class-mates all started underage drinking in town at 15, I stayed in watching movies. Then I turned 18 and started University…
I have always been terrified of strangers. Be it because of the bullying, or just my general shyness, there was never a time that meeting new people didn’t fill me with dread akin only to my fear of extreme heights!
I spent my first week at university in my room, alone, crying.
Each week I will be publishing a piece from the A-Z of my personal life experiences to show exactly what my knowledge on each of the topic I have listed is. This article will be split into three parts that cover different aspects of my experience.
First off, I am not an alcoholic. My experience with alcoholism comes in the form of having witnessed a violent alcoholic take out his issues on my mother’s face and body. While this post isn’t about domestic abuse specifically, it is inextricably linked, because whilst there are devastating physical side-effects on a person with alcoholism, it is the lasting damage done to everyone who comes in contact with them that lives on.