Self-Harm And Destructive Thought Patterns

I have a terrible habit of feeling overwhelmed.

I would go as far as saying I struggle with these feelings on a daily basis, although very mildly in comparison to the effect it used to have on me. When I look at experts within my field, those I look up to, I can’t help that inner panic rise like bile, as I wonder ‘How on Earth can I achieve even a fraction of what they have? It’s too hard! I’m not good enough!’ I deal with these intrusive thoughts through many different ways including meditation and my writing. I can also hand on heart say that if it wasn’t for the encouragement from those around me, if it wasn’t for the sheer blind belief and faith that people have in me, I may well not be here telling my story.

How To Get Rid Of Intrusive or Obsessive Thoughts

So I was going to write a post today about feeling over-sensitive and feeling a bit anxious. Then I did some meditation and realised that by writing about these feelings,  I’m giving them power. So instead I am going to write about how you can start to conquer these intrusive or obsessive thoughts.

Intrusive thoughts feel like being sucked into a black-hole of despair and getting out of it can seem impossible. Going round and round with fears and anxieties, to the point you feel something has to give, be it an outburst of anger, physical release or an implosion, can have devastating effects. It’s how I ended up self-harming.

How To Take Back Control Of Your Emotions – Part 2

Trigger alert: I understand in times of distress articles like this can be a trigger so please be aware that I wrote this while my anxious mind was quiet, which allowed me to see things clearly – a brief window of opportunity! It should in no way make anyone feel overwhelmed. Achieving a healthier mind is a long process – allow yourself the time. Just know that I get it, I’ve been there, and it can be different 🙂

Earlier on I wrote a post about the anxious and depressed feelings that had taken control of me. I have so much to say on this topic (I got to 1500 words and decided not even I wanted to read all that!) so I have had to simplify each section. I will no doubt go into more detail in later posts, but please feel free to email me if you would like to ask me anything privately at daniallsopp@gmail.com.

I Survived…

WARNING: THIS VIDEO TALKS ABOUT SELF HARM AND SUICIDE AND MAY BE A TRIGGER

An ambiguous statement, but true. I’ve survived suicide attempts (both my own and that of family members), self-harm, domestic abuse of a parent, depression, anxiety, bulimia and more.

I remember feeling so alone and like a freak for being different to everybody else. I founded The Unmarked Road to share my story, in hope it gives comfort to those going through hard times and struggling with their thoughts and emotions.

Your past does not have to define your future.

No matter how dark things appear, there is always a light. I know this because I have come out the other side of some of the deepest depth of despair imaginable.

Through sharing our experiences, we can end the stigma of mental health together. I welcome all of you to share your stories with me.

Dani xx

• How To Take Back Control Of Your Emotions – Part 1
• How To Take Back Control Of Your Emotions – Part 2
• How To Get Rid Of Intrusive Or Obsessive Thoughts

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

Love this quote and this post! My main goal this year is to stop worrying. Meditation is a great tool for helping with living in the present and therefore at peace.

“If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.” Philosopher and poet, Lao Tzu

Alcoholism and Drug Abuse – Cannabis

I have written about my experience with alcoholism and alcohol in general, so now on to the 3rd part of my experience on this topic:

Drug Abuse – Cannabis

Being seriously anti-alcohol until l was 18, drugs of any kind weren’t even on my radar. Drugs were for homeless degenerates right? There would never be a time in my life in which I would come into contact with them. Or so I thought.

Alcoholism And Drug Abuse – Binge Drinking

I wrote earlier this week about my experience with alcoholism and how at the hands of an alcoholic my little sister and I watched our mother at the mercy of his violence. My view of alcohol was, understandably, very negative and when my class-mates all started underage drinking in town at 15, I stayed in watching movies. Then I turned 18 and started University…

Alcohol

I have always been terrified of strangers. Be it because of the bullying, or just my general shyness, there was never a time that meeting new people didn’t fill me with dread akin only to my fear of extreme heights!

I spent my first week at university in my room, alone, crying.

The A-Z Of My Life Experiences

I wrote earlier this week about my intentions with the new section on my site. I’m starting to formulate the different parts that will populate the various pages, but to show you what to expect, here’s an A-Z list of my personal experiences, although it is worth noting that not all have happened to me directly! But you’ll realise that in the coming weeks as I start to public each story.

Alcoholism and Drug Abuse

• Alcoholism
• Binge Drinking
• Cannabis
• Ecstasy and Other Drugs

Bullying

• Not Fitting In And Peer Acceptance
• At School

Cutting and other forms of Self Harm

• Self-Harm And Destructive Patterns

Depression

• Letting Go Of Anger – Vlog

Eating Disorders

Fear of Failure

• Can Ignoring How You Feel Help You Achieve Your Long Term Goals?
• I’m Not Good Enough – Vlog

General Anxiety Disorder

• How To Take Back Control of your Emotions – Part 1
• How To Take Back Control of your Emotions – Part 2 
• Can Ignoring How You Feel Help You Achieve Your Long Term Goals?
• Don’t Let The Anxiety Win
• Anxious Shopper – 3 Minute Memoir
• Anxious Bride – 3 Minute Memoir

Health and Nutrition

• Nature Therapy
• Smoothie Recipes

Intrusive/Obsessive Thoughts and Rumination

• Self-Harm And Destructive Patterns
• How To Get Rid Of Intrusive or Obsessive Thoughts
• How To Stop Others Disturbing You Inner Peace – 3 Minute Memoir

Job Dissatisfaction

• I Lost My Job! Now What? – Vlog
• Do Women Have To Work Harder Than Men?
• How Important Is Money Really?
• The Matrix Is Real – Are You Ready To Be Unplugged?

Knowing Yourself

• Do You Take Things Personally?
• Do You Know What Will Make You Happy?
• Are You Smarter Than You Were Ten Years Ago?
• Do You Discard Your Own Needs In Order To Please Others?
• Love Yourself

Loss of Family and Friends

• The Death Of My Father

Mood Swings

• Seasonally Affective Disorder (SAD)
• Holiday Blues

Nervous Breakdowns

• How I nearly Lost My Mum
• Do You Give Yourself Time To Recover Emotionally?

Overdosing and Suicidal Tendencies

• My Suicide Attempt – Vlog

Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) Quietening the Mind

• How To Take Back Control of your Emotions – Part 1
• How To Take Back Control of your Emotions – Part 2 
• How To Stop Others Disturbing You Inner Peace – 3 Minute Memoir

Relationships and Love

• Are You With The Right Person?

Social Anxiety

• Social Anxiety – Vlog
• The Physical Effects Of Social Anxiety – 3 Minute Memoir

Therapy and Counselling Urges to engage in Harmful Behaviour, such as Dermatillomania/Excoriation Disorder Violence (Domestic) Working from Home

• Becoming Self-Employed. Where To Start? – Vlog
• How To Start Working From Home
• Motivation Meditation
• How To Restore Your Enthusiasm

XYZero – Couldn’t think of anything for these pesky three little letters. I attempted at being humorous (putting Zebra for Z) but then realised it wasn’t that funny. 🙂

Thank you for reading! xx

Vlog Diary Entry #4 – My Suicide Attempt

WARNING: This video goes into detail about self-harm and attempted suicide. While it is not a negative video, it may make some people uncomfortable so please watch at your own risk. 

This was a difficult one to record. I fought hard again the impulse to press the stop button at any time! I have previously spoken about my issues with self-harm, but in this video I talk about the darkest time in my life.  Please be respectful and please let me know your thoughts 🙂

How I Nearly Lost My Mum

I often speak to my mum about my blog. She’s my inspiration, my greatest fan and most honest critic. Today she wanted to talk about one of my posts, the one about self-harming. I felt sad that she was distressed by it, because not one part of me blames her for what happened. I tend to not talk about it with her (rare for me!) I don’t want her to feel in any way responsible. She did nothing wrong.

As a single parent, my mum worked 16 hours a day to provide for me and my sister. Not just providing basics, but to pay off debts that had been left by the ex-alcholic-abuser, and other things she wanted for us. When I was 12 she finally met her prince charming, my wonderful step-dad who’s still with us today and is as far as I’m concerned my Dad.

When I was 13, my mum’s mind decided it had had enough and she suffered a severe nervous breakdown. And it devastated me.

Through and through, I was a Mummy’s girl. At 13 I lost my soul-mate and the only person who ever stood up for me up to that point. I wasn’t book-smart like my sister, I wasn’t beautiful like my mother, and I wasn’t strong like either. At school I was bullied mercilessly, because despite being painfully shy, I fought back. But that only made my situation worst. My mum was my protector.

Having been a parent in an abusive relationship, and then going it alone, she and I were (are!) more than mother/daughter. We were partners and best friends. At 13 I couldn’t understand why the person I knew better than myself, had gone. And I thought it was my fault. What ensued was years of two people slowly breaking down until nearly ending in tragedy (but more on that later).

Slowly she did recover, but the posts have brought back painful memories for her. The daughter she couldn’t protect from the monster that had started to build inside of her little girl. But I don’t want her to feel anything but pride, because what happened was as a result of putting her children first all of our lives. Her mind just couldn’t take any more and it finally broke.

But my promise to you, Mummy, is to continue to be open about what happened to us. Because we made it, we survived! And everything that has happened has enabled me to have a great compassion and understanding for how people can suffer. Everything we went through has made us stronger and I’m so proud of who we became.

Thank you x